Is losing your temper at work good leadership?

Ahoy legend. Welcome to the team buffalo podcast. I'm your host, Travis Thomas. Today's episode, as always is around a theme. So I'm never going to talk about a specific coaching conversation that I had with individuals, because that's not what we do. Nor would that be good for the process or respectful to the leader. But what I can do and what I love doing, and I'm sure you get great benefit out of otherwise you wouldn't keep listening, is when we take themes, things that I'm seeing across multiple leaders or multiple organizations, and really start to unpack what the h3ll is going on? And why is this happening? And what what can you do about it that will give you some practical advice and tips that you can take away and make sense of it. Ultimately, as a leader, you have to pick the things that you decide are useful or not useful. It's only for you to make that decision. But what I do think you have a responsibility to do and you're doing this right now is to go well, what's happening around me, and what behaviors might I be doing the same thing as others are doing, and what's useful? What's practical, what builds me to the right direction, that I'm trying to be as a leader, because ultimately, you will have goals, you want to be a better leader, or you want to be promoted, or you want to retain people or want higher pay, whatever it is, if you don't understand the drivers of that economic and career engine for yourself, there's no way you're going to be able to take control and move it forward. So in saying that, and on the back of talking about control, good a good topic for today. And today's topic is around losing your bikies as a leader. Now, if you're not in Australia, which some listeners are not bikies is temper, you know, lose, losing your mind and getting a little bit feral, I would say it's probably a good term for going a bit feral or going a bit rogue. What the h3ll does that mean? How could that even be happening? You'd be shocked. The number of times I hear about leaders losing their mind doing certain things, and particularly in this example, throwing things when they get angry, throwing things at the wall and saying, you know, it's this is bull$hit. I've had enough of it. And the team just kind of sat there in the corner going, what the h3ll's going on? Or, Oh, here he goes again. So today's topic is losing your temper and your bookies. Now, before I go into any level of tactics and considerations, I think it's important to understand what dynamic does it create in the workplace and in your immediate team, when you behave that way? You might think, oh, you know, Travis, it's useful if I show people that I'm upset, or I've had enough of this $hit that's going on, and I want them to know, I'm angry, it's useful. They know that when I'm pissed, I'm pissed. Well, that's a nice theory. But a couple of complicating factors that you may or may not have considered if you're sat in that camp. One is that we're in one of the most highly mobile workforces in the history of humanity. And that's not an exaggeration. And by mobile, I mean, if I don't like your bad temper, or your ridiculous work ethics, or whatever thing you're inflicting upon me, as a leader, or a culture or hole of organization approach, I will go, and not only will I go, but by the time the door closes, the one in front of me will be opening to another role at an equivalent salary if not better, in probably a competing organization. So I'd say that's the first bit, you cannot expect people to stay and endure the same things that they might have tolerated 10 or 15 years ago, you know, I remember when I started back in my first corporate role in a fortune 500 company. And some of the behaviors, particularly at the director level, were appalling. I had some really great leaders, some really great senior leaders, all the way at the VP level that I spent time with, and were phenomenal mentors and leaders in their own right. But there were also leaders at the director and senior manager level who were atrocious. They had bad habits, they had tempers, they lost their mind and meetings, it was terrible. So people aren't putting up with that. That's the first bit the mobility. Second is, do you really want to build a culture where people think that emotional volatility is an effective tool for achieving an outcome? I mean, what a destructive way to run an organization, I don't get what I want. So I'm going to amp it up, turn up the heat enough that people around me get uncomfortable and I'll get what I want. That's completely ineffective. Instead, skills like influence and negotiation and give and take and social capital all are far more effective. So I want you to consider those who are talking about opening this conversation with some of the fallacies around your timber being an effective strategy. It's not and we're to the point where that stuff ends up on the internet and it's really bad for your personal and organizational brand. Cool So if we can agree that there's danger in this approach, what does it do to your immediate team? So I've talked about the possibility of people moving but the impact to your immediate team. First is concern. I think it's I haven't seen this pattern of behavior before. It's something you're newly adopting concern. I don't know why this person is behaving that way, I don't understand why they're behaving that way. I don't know why they don't have control over the thing they're doing. And is it okay that this is our behavior? Can I do the same thing? Or am I afraid of others doing the same thing. So that's the immediate team impact. The first few times after that it becomes a, this person is just one of those people who loses their mind from time to time, and that has a really negative impact. Think about have you ever worked for someone like that I have, I've had two, three, at least three, I can remember without wasting too much time on at least three, I can remember where they had a pattern of this temper and throwing tantrums or just being outrageous in the way in which they passed on feedback. And I didn't want to be around those people. So I went from Oh, is everything okay to oh, they just, they're horrible to be around. And for one of the three, the thing that was interesting is they were never upset with the team, they were never terrible towards the team, they behaved really kindly to everyone that was reported to them. But when the organization sent big announcements around, or they were not talked to, or brought into the fold, or just even really worked through if they could contribute to a particular issue, basically, if they were left out, if they were set to the side, left out of the engagement, or some level of consultation, then they would lose it, they would throw $hit at the wall, the big I can't believe incorporates done this. Again, I wasn't asked I wasn't consulted, I wasn't thought of I'm just not important here. Now, pause that step to the other side. As an employee watching that unfold, you can almost turn your head and look as if you're watching that if you're in your car, the person in the passenger seats doing that. What would you be thinking? If you think this person is either crazy week, in that they have no influence, or not someone I should be following. Because if they're weak, they're not going to get done the stuff we need to get done. And no one wants to work for a weak leader. I'm not saying weak versus strong as an masculine and flexing muscles. I'm talking about ability to affect change effectively. And if you're not someone who's in control, and can influence stakeholders, then how is that going to affect our careers as team members? And what is that going to mean for us? I think that's really dangerous. So you've got those kind of immediate impacts to the team, you've got the longer term impacts to the teams, you've got the interesting macro trends that are affecting that, that we've covered. So we've got those three kind of ticked off in the way. So what do you do, like you're human, you're going to be affected. I've personally been affected by, you know, been in board meetings and previous company, where I was managing director of that organization. And I remember being outraged several times, but never losing it. And there was only one time where I allowed that to be shown. And I didn't do it out of being out of control. I did it as a declarative to other owners in the business. So there were multiple partners in the business, to let them know that this issue had gone too far. And that it was a really controlled, I didn't blame or yell or and I just said that, If this continues, you know, expletive, blah, blah, blah, we're going to have a far more serious conversation about the implications of this really heavy handed because I had said it, I'd emailed it. I alluded to it. And it wasn't breaking through amongst, you know, people who are essentially peers that were owners in the business as well, although I was the managing director, so it was the kind of first in line. And I think that's actually I know, for a fact, that's the only time in my 15 year leadership journey where I've used anger, but I used it really effectively and in the opportune time for an incredibly important issue that I just could not let go and I could let continue to drag on. Now the difference between doing that and throwing $hit at the wall men corporate this and whatever else is that the first one, the one that I've just explained to you where I did it, and not saying that I'm always right. But in this particular example, what that does, is it shows that look, I've been kind of been friendly. I've tried everything I can to manage this. I'm actually going to have to be pretty aggressive now because you've given me no other option. If you do that in a tiny, tiny fraction of a percentage of the time, it will be highly effective. It's not about being abusive. It's not about being toxic or bullying. None of those things, it's about really, really controlled, aggressive event where you push people towards the issue that you need to be resolved. But aside from that, throwing stuff, losing it, whatever it is not effective. So what can you do instead? First is to consider your moment. So if you're going to still adopt that as a strategy, or if like me, you do need to use that once in a while you it's almost like, you get a Get Out of Jail Free card, right? Think of it that way. If this were monopolies, you have one, maybe two shots to use that. And then it's gone. If you do it more than that, it either loses its effect, or people start to get really uncomfortable with this environment. So consider that way. Second is, if you are feeling angry about things you don't have control of, you need to have a deeper reflective exercise with yourself around. One, what do I need to do to try to affect change, because I'm not getting what I want. So in the example of the person who was throwing things, they are not taking control. They in the specific examples, they clearly and that leader had, they clearly were not driving change, they were not making an effort, they were grumpy around their team and showing that they're upset that they weren't having those direct conversations with the people who they thought were pushing them to the side. So you either need to one have those conversations, or two you need to consider is that the type of place or environment or team or sub team, you know, there's options to move bosses or teams within an organization that I want to be part of do I want to be a leader in an organization where I'm not trusted, I'm not consulted. And I don't have the ability to affect meaningful change. Because no one gives a$hit about my opinion, I'm not asked. I think that's important. So first is when can I use the anger or controlled emotions really effectively? And then the second is, do I feel like this is an OK arrangement? Do I feel like I'm valued to the level and consulted to the level that I need to be? Or is this something ready to go? I'm sick of it. This isn't fair, I haven't signed up for this, I need to make a meaningful change to escape this pattern of behavior on my team. And I think that's a really important thing. And if you don't feel like you can have that control, then it's definitely something you owe to yourself, if not definitely your team to try and affect change on. So to summarize, today, we've talked about the dangers of that pattern of behavior with employees on the team and the culture crates. We've talked about the career implications for you and how that sends signals of what kind of leader you are. And we've talked about some tactics around how you can control those emotions by understanding the root cause and making decisions around those root causes. Thank you for tuning into today's episode. I've been your host, Travis Thomas. You can check out more on our website at team buffalo.co And I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode where we address one leadership question or topic for the day. Keep being awesome.