3 Authenticity Fallacies

Ahoy legend. Welcome to a another episode of the Team Buffalo podcast. I'm your host, Travis Thomas. Today we're talking about authenticity, but not in the cheesy kind of all the leadership models have told us for XYZ years that we need to be more authentic. No. Yes, authenticity is a powerful leadership tool. Yes, the research points to that being a powerful leadership tool and theory and framework and point of reference. But there's a problem. And I think the problem is the thing that we really haven't spent enough time talking about it. And I call it the authenticity force. It's this thing that I'm going to explain to you in a moment. But I think it's interesting because, you know, even now, I meet with a number of leaders, we start that coaching thing, and they're kind of torn. There's this tear that you see happening between this emotional intelligence and being self aware and understanding what their own emotions are in this process of leading people. And then this kind of segmentation, which leads to conflict of, well, I felt leaders are supposed to be strong and tough and not really lean into these emotions and understand that we have to bottle these up or deal with them. And so they end up in a place that's incongruent. And then there's this farce of well, either, I have to be super authentic. So I tell people all the time, everything about anything they could possibly learn, or I withhold information, I feel like I'm not living the best leaders life that I should, because the research says I should be authentic. That's a real problem, and possibly something you've dealt with. And if you're not a leader, and you're listening to this anyways, even in the modern workplace, we've kind of got this tension between people who we think overshare and are doing too much and telling too much, and not really guarding some of the things they probably shouldn't be sharing with the people who are really bottled up reserves don't give you anything, you don't really know who they are, you know, the version of themselves that they give you. But you don't really know who they are outside the workplace and how they interact in certain situations. It hasn't been tested. So what do you do? And this is where I call the authenticity farce. It's this idea that in order to be an authentic leader, you need to share everything, or you need to hold a bunch of things and be incongruent behavior wise. And I think the answer to this is a little bit more nuanced than people actually consider the nuanced bit around this is how do you get to a version of yourself that allows you to be as authentic as useful and appropriate? While understanding that no, you should not share everything all the time. And so some people go, I don't believe that I think we should be radically transparent. I said, Oh, interesting. We're talking about two different things, right? authentic and transparent, are not the same thing. I can be authentic in that, yes, I really care about the people around me. And yes, I want them to have the best possible experience. And yes, I want everyone to be okay and safe and everything else. But transparency is me sharing the degree of which those things might or might not be true. So for example, I might authentically care and be interested in the development and careers of the people around me. But we might be going through a restructure, and I can't share that information. Why? Because it would do more harm than good if I shared a work in progress, which I didn't even know the answer to. But if I do the whole radical transparency thing, and I share everything all the time with people, it creates chaos. And if you're a certain new leader, or if you're new to a role, or if you haven't done this before, to say to your team, I don't really know. We're working it out, yeah, it might have some implications to your job. But you know, it'll be fine. Like it, maybe it won't be fine. But I don't know, I'm just telling you where we're at. That's incredibly damaging. Because what do we have to do as humans, if we find that there's a threat to our safety to our job to our Well, being to our team, whatever it is, we have to react, we have to do something after the fact that I'm not staying in this environment, you can promise me that if I turn up every day and do the high performing stuff I've been doing that I'll even be here after this restructure not. So the fallacy around that really is this notion of we have to tell people everything or we're being inauthentic. No, that's a transparency trap. The fallacy comes in and believing that those two are the same. Now the second part of this fallacy, because it's not just that that's the main one. The other bit, which I have been coaching a fair bit on, is this incongruence around who I am today as a leader, and who I think I will be in X number of years. And so today, do I share the version of myself that's not perfect? Or not even close to perfect? Maybe not even performing? Do I share that version? Or do I hold back and I go, I'd want to tell them, but I don't know they might not they might not be ready for it. So there's a really good classic example of this as you take on a new role, right? For example, you get promoted to middle manager, maybe you've always been a frontline leader, you get promoted to middle manager. And one of the first things you say to your team is because you know I'm new to the role I am happy to work with All of you have heard really great things, I hope you'll just trust that I'm probably going to make some mistakes. And I don't exactly know what I'm doing. But I'm sure I'll figure it out. Geez, I'm following you, you're a leader, I'm meant to trust that you're going to get us there. In the end, I'm not talking about battalions and leading war and armies, right, we're talking about, well, even the day to day operation of maybe a leisure center, or a movie theater or anything, or mid level, corporate, any of those areas people are gonna go, how'd you get that job if you don't know what you're doing. And if you don't know what you're doing, figure it out and work through that work with a coach, work with your boss, work with whoever appointed you or consult, support you in that through mentoring, whatever it might be, but do not walk around telling people I'm going to be authentic. And that means me telling you everything. Because even if I'm not ready, you're going to know, that's so damaging. And I can promise you that will not work out the way you want. So instead, I think what's useful is to say, hey, you know, in this area, you don't really feel confident, I've got it, but I just want to check because you're the expert who works, you know, someone who works underneath you, you're the expert, I just want to get your opinion on it and make sure we've got this right. You're tapping into your team's knowledge. Yes, don't be I've got to step into I must know everything that's wrong to instead go well, I'm going to behave as if I can figure it out. And when I can't, I will tap on the right people to get that help. But I will never stand up and go, Hey, I don't know how to do all these things. I'll be so follow me. Thanks. Look who's gonna sign on for that? Would you sign on for that? No way. And I see that a lot with executives where they go, Well, I've only ever worked in maybe utilities, right? And I'm now hoping to not for profit, I don't know a lot of things. So I'm going to tell the team, I don't know, don't do it. And instead say, look, I come from a really strong background where I understand commercial discipline, I understand how to engage with stakeholders, all the things you do know that are transferable, obviously, that's why you got the role. If you completely had no idea, probably not going to get the role. But if even if you did, you've got all the transferable skills need to be saying, Alright, I understand all these things, where I will be tapping into you as a team is to just make sure we're on the right track with, you know, fundraising, or whatever it might be in that not for profit sector. So that's more what we're looking for. And then the last fallacy around so this is the third one, the last fallacy around authentic leadership is that it's okay for me to be moody. Does that make sense? Moody. So I'm going to share with you if I'm pissed off, I'm going to tell you, I'm pissed off. If you make me upset, you're gonna know I'm upset, because that's authentic, I should tell you when you've upset me know, you don't get to walk around angry. They're part of the premium for what you get as a leader. And part of the additional outcomes. And part of the KPIs or bonuses or additional pay, or whatever it is that you get as a result of being a leader, not to mention the kind of honor and responsibility of leading a team. Does it mean you also get to be grumpy and moody, and I see this with leaders they go, it's good to show them rage that makes them know that I'm in charge that you're you're off your head, that's not effective leadership for one. And for two, it makes you look like you don't have your stuff together. Would you follow someone or stick around to a boss who is volatile, I call that volatility. It's not authenticity, it's volatility. It's I don't like what you said there, I'm gonna let you know I don't like it, I'm gonna be quite public about it. Or I'm gonna cross my arms and get sorry, of course, my arms and get super grumpy here and just tell you, I'm pissed off and I don't like it. No, it's not ineffective. And if you can't control your emotions, who are you to coach me and lead me and help me develop? You can't even get your own stuff together? What's wrong with you? And I see it. I've seen fiery mid managers, senior leaders, executives, they just go you know, it's okay, I'm being authentic. No, you don't get a pass for being a jerk or for not being able to control your emotions, emotional intelligence, the first level of self awareness, I'm aware of the emotions I have. And I go, I'm aware, a level two of the competencies, there's for Level two is that I can manage my own emotions. So something might trigger fear or make me angry, but I'm not going to then impose that on someone else. I'm going to go Hold on, I need to go deal with this. Team. Look, I need to process what we've just spoken about here. Let's wrap up this conversation here. I'll go and come back to you know, I might go off somewhere else and be really pissed off and have to deal with all that. That's fine. But I'm not going to show that No, I'm not going to How dare you use son of a b1tch, I'm going to come? No, you don't get to do that. It's not part of it. So I want you don't understand the difference between being aware of your emotions and authentically dealing with them internally and recognizing where they're coming from and working through them. And sharing, you know, if something terrible has happened to you, or you've had a loss, of course, share those things. But that's different than volatility and understanding that just because someone makes you feel volatile or threatened or fearful, doesn't mean you get to react or act back to that person. So the point of this was not to be preachy, the point of this, this conversation was really to unpick this false narrative and what I call the authenticity fallacy. It's this idea that, you know, I have to either tell people, I don't know what I'm doing, I have to volatile my emotions, or I have to confuse authenticity with transparency. And all of those are really dangerous places to be, and they will not set you up for success. And even if your team somehow buys into the person above you, who hired you, or counseling you or the board around them, or the stakeholders are gonna go, this person is not fit to make their way up this organization. I can't have someone around me who's just unpredictable and erratic or just lets their emotions take them like a wave. It's it's not the way we do it. It's not the way good leadership happens. So I want you to go away today and just really unpick, if you're battling with authenticity, whether it's because you're trying to figure out how transparent to be with the kind of global talent shortages and everything that's going on and the recession and blah, blah, blah, or whether it's the volatility of your emotions or whatever it might be, I want you go and reflect. Am I being authentic? Do I understand what that means? And how am I managing myself and effectively tapping into my team skills and motivation to get us the best possible outcome? Thanks for tuning in today. So great to have you in for another Daily episode of the leadership question. I've been your host, Travis Thomas, and I look forward to seeing you in tomorrow's episode. Keep being amazing.